So, I'm just going to jump right into this post instead of making it pretty, because AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FO DAT!
Things I need and Things I need to let go of:
1. Community - NEED
After about a minute of processing I realized that I was lacking community. I desperately need a community. On the race I didn't appreciate it and now I can't seem to find it.
What does that even mean, Taylor? Good Question, glad you asked.
Community to me - Like minded individuals who want and expect the best for each other. These people should know you and you should know them. This takes work. This takes dedication. There should be no condescension or judgement.
2.Expectations and Entitlement - LET IT GO
Earlier this year, I made strides to become a part of a community and then when it wasn't what I wanted it to be, I left it. I came up with excuses to validate this in my mind and to them. When really, if you want to be a part of something, you'll find a way to make it work.
Let's be honest.
The problem I had was that I had expectations going into all of it. I thought it would be great. I thought that everyone would want to grow and go through all the tough stuff together. I thought it would be similar to the race, at least a little. I felt entitled to it, even. Entitlement is a sneaky badger that gets me when I least expect it.
3. Writing - NEED
The Lord challenged me about this time last year to write something (anything) every day. It is one of the number one ways that I process. Sometimes I don't understand my feelings until I've taken time to write. It's also a major pathway he uses to speak to me. How am I to listen when I'm not giving him a chance to speak?
Somewhere along the line I was fed the lie that my voice is unimportant and that I am a bad writer. I stopped writing consistently and it has been a sad quiet time in my life. I can NO LONGER AFFORD to avoid it. So I'm going to have to start enforcing a consistent time every day.
4. Non life - giving relationships - LET IT GO
This one is so hard. As an ENFP, I am wired to people please. I don't like hurting people, I don't like saying no to people.. etc. HOWEVER, the reality is my health is more important than a few people's feelings. God highlighted a few areas in my life that needed some cleaning out and those areas involved people who enable and people who are consistently negative in some aspect.
This isn't a "I'm better than you, we can't be friends" moment. It's a, "I love you and I respect that you are going through your own battles, for both of our sakes, we need to take a break and reevaluate our relationship" moment. The thing I didn't think about until about last weekend was that I'm not just hurting MYSELF, I'm not healthy for the other person either. MINDBLOWN. Staying in these relationships is selfish and self-sabotaging.
LET IT GO.
Last but not least,
5. A way to maintain relationships with my friends around the world. - NEED
Yup, you guessed it! This is where facebook comes into play. After spending a year with some of the most incredible humans, we were all (cruelly) scattered. Facebook is a way to maintain these life-giving relationships and still be filled up by people.
Not that I owe ANY ONE an explanation, but that is why I am back on facebook.
Thanks for sticking it out with me, yall.
I'm excited to see what comes of these revelations as my actions begin to align with my heart shiftings. (Marielle term)
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